Which emotion is often considered the primary driver behind the Four Horsemen?

The primary driver behind the Four Horsemen—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—is often identified as fear. This is because fear typically underlies many negative interactions within relationships. When individuals feel threatened, vulnerable, or insecure, they may resort to these destructive communication patterns as a protective mechanism.

For instance, fear can manifest as a response to anticipated harm or rejection from their partner, leading to criticism or contempt as a defensive posture. When partners feel frightened about their relationship or about expressing their true feelings, they may engage in stonewalling to avoid confrontations that they perceive as threatening. Understanding fear as the root of these behaviors allows therapists to address the underlying vulnerabilities in a more compassionate and constructive way, fostering healthier communication and fostering emotional safety in the relationship.