What tool can the therapist use to move a couple from an attack-defend mode into an admitting mode?

The repair checklist is an effective tool for therapists to help couples transition from an attack-defend mode into an admitting mode. In times of conflict, partners often focus on blaming each other, which can escalate tensions and prevent productive dialogue. The repair checklist encourages individuals to take responsibility for their contributions to the conflict and identify ways to mend the situation.

When using the repair checklist, couples can systematically assess their interactions, recognize patterns that lead to misunderstandings, and remind themselves of the positive aspects of their relationship. This process fosters a greater awareness of their feelings and behaviors, paving the way for admissions of fault and a softer approach to communicating.

By guiding couples through this process, therapists can help facilitate a shift from defensiveness to openness, enabling them to express vulnerabilities and address grievances more constructively. This method ultimately promotes healing and understanding within the relationship.

Other tools such as videotape feedback, guided self-soothing, and a pulse oximeter serve different therapeutic purposes and do not specifically target the shift from conflict to repair in the same direct manner that the repair checklist does.